Day 22 of thing

Intention: I am calm. I am positive. I am moving forward through time and space, making progress on all of my goals. I am focusing on the present. I am happy with myself and by myself, whether with company or not.

Stomach: Go along. Nothing to see here.

Brain: Yeah. We're a little stressed out. Do you mind not talking to us for a little and just blogging?

Me: Sure.

So there have been a few stressful days. Last Tuesday night after an open mic, my iPod fell into a rainy gutter. This would simply be tragic if not for me working out and the iPod being my lifeline. This was a giant set-back for me. It's come back to life now (yea!) and so that's... better. Before today, I hadn't worked out since then. Haven't even gone up more than four flights of stairs. Around Thursday, I started feeling depressed. Actually, it started before then with some random anger at a girl on the bus last Monday but quickened its pace Thursday.

Saturday, I "pigged" out on brown rice and vegetables from a Thai place. Yesterday, I was restless, depressed and feeling awful. Almost cancelled my therapy appointment. Instead, I jumped from task to task trying to figure out what happened with my week. What was the trigger for this? IS there a trigger?

Today, I went to therapy. My occasional opinion about medication and therapy is that once you have them... and the RIGHT ones, EVERYTHING SHOULD BE FINE!!! Like taking your car into the mechanic. But mental health care isn't like a car. It's more like a science test lab. Things still go wrong. Perhaps they even go MORE DISASTROUSLY WRONG than before but the difference being the disasters are monitored. There are people with hats and lab coats and clearance tags. Background checks.

The key being: THINGS STILL GO WRONG.

Today is one of those things. I have a big artist statement and portfolio thing to turn into my Art History class. We're having a mock jury and that's very important... but right now, taking criticism isn't one of my strong points. Nor is getting my shit together.

So I'm about to e-mail my professor with the situation and with a scanned copy of my Students with Disabilities stuff from last semester. I haven't gotten the stuff for this semester... and that's my fault. Standing outside the Michigan building two weeks ago, some students were talking about not having their papers finished and what excuses or reasons "worked" with their teachers. I've had the same discussions with people over my 10 years of college. The "best" excuses were depression and anxiety... just what I have. Great.

Earlier, I worked out. And climbed 20 sets of stairs (12 and 8). I feel a little better. Still not great.

Damn mechanics.