Live Blogging of the JACK BAUER POWER HOUR Hour... um...7? 8?

I have no idea which hour this is since I missed last week's episode.

Note to whoever is reading this, I'm doing this instead of writing my opinion piece for my "Writing for the School Paper" class. Feh.

Tags: Jack Bauer, 24, television, episode summary, Kiefer Sutherland, fan site, television commentary, FOX.

8:02 Split screen shit. Fox news of course. Guy with a bad dye job is pissed. Bierko. Bierko just killed Earwig! Wow. That was fast character developme...Elimination. He's going to send some guys to kill the Big Head Guy.

8:04 Oh look, someone's already over at the HDTV warehouse looking for Big Head Guy. And now the Big Head Guy (Nathanson) is running away, whoa! He called a guy, Alpha 7? And told him to erase some databases then BAM. Dead.

8:05 Now we're entering an Oliver Stone thriller with The Hobbit's sister. WOO-HOO! Howard Gordon and DAVID MUTHA-FUCKIN' FURY wrote the episode!

8:06 The president just fucked The Hobbit up the ass. Oh and now he's going to take it out on Jack.

8:07 Audrey's still here. Hobbit wants to know why Audrey's always defending him. Well, because her character isn't written very well this season. That's why.

8:08 Hobbit wants Jack brought in and then runs out of the room with a temper tantrum. Curtis gets called and discusses with Jack how much The Hobbit sucks. Also the strange situation of Jack getting reappointed to CTU, but not really and the Hobbit treating him like any other employee with a pension and 401K.

8:09 Nathanson, er, Big Head Guy calls Audrey. "That's close enough to the truth." Good line. He wants to talk to Jack and knows that she and him got BIZAAAY.

8:10 Jack's getting taken back to CTU with Curtis, Audrey calls, Big Head Guy is now talking. He needs protection. So THIS is what's so important that people need to talk on their cell phones while they drive.

8:11 Jack's got to meet the Big Head Guy somewhere. Curtis plays the "Exposition Boy" role for this part of the episode. And now Jack's knocking him out, "Don't fight it. Don't fight it, Curtis." Hee-hee.

8:13 Curtis on ground. Jack in car. Car down road. Stupid commercial on tv.

8:14 Okay, it's hour 8 between 3 and 4 p.m. David Fury is THE SHIT! Thank GOD "Lost" pissed him off enough to come over to the violent "DAMNIT!" Jack Bauer Power Hour of GRAVITAS. His episodes so far... Just WOW. I'm going to listen to his part in "Once More With Feeling" from Buffy OVER AND OVER again in tribute. "They got the mustard out!"

8:16 So yeah, not writing my opinion article right now. Also have my period so I'm not in the best of moods. Started to write about depression and art schools and then that....depressed me. Then maybe about Scientology and frustration with psychiatry...that depressed me too.

8:17 Back on. Curtis woke up real fast and called The Hobbit. Hobbit's freakin' out. LOSIN' IT! Goes up to Audrey and asks about Jack.

8:18 Audrey calls Chloe to actually INVOLVE her in the plot again. Chloe's got to delete the log of her call, right as The Hobbit is inquiring about it. And she's got to erase ALL of her calls in order to delete that ONE call to Jack's phone. Audrey's glasses make her stupid. And they're ugly too.

8:20 I HATE PRESIDENT LOGAN! My GOD! What a whiny bastard! Novick comes in with Weasely Walt's phone. The Bad Dye Job man's calling and is now demanding to get the Russian...something or other's motorcade route and security details.

8:22 He doesn't want to kill Americans but will if... blah blah blah. The President, with all of his IMMENSE POWERS OF PERSUASION, tries to reason with the guy.

8:23 Oh. It's the Russian President's motorcade. The guy who's helicopter landed and everyone was freaking out in the first hours thinking that he was the target. Yeah, he's the target now.

8:25 Back to me. Yeah, so I don't know what to write about or know if I even want to write anything. I'm sure I could pump something out about the Daily Illini editors getting suspended for printing the Mohammed cartoons but... eh. Having an opinion right now exhausts me. Just thinking about it. Not having the opinion but saying it and citing evidence. Blech.

8:27 Maybe I could write about how cool 24 is. Yeah, that would be college worthy. Jesus Christ, I've lost my creativity bone.

8:28 The 24 clock is ahead of mine. Maybe I should change mine. Hmm. The Hobbit's talking to Buchanan about Audrey's missing phone records. Why does the Hobbit think Jack's behavior is so unusual if he's read his file?

8:29 Yeah, the Hobbit's getting freaky. Maybe his sister's not the only one who's a speed freak.

8:30 Jack's at the phone. Talking to Big Head Guy who's NOW in the apartment that Kiefer was in during "Phone Booth." Wow, David Fury must be all about this "securing our oil" thread. Okay, now there are helicopters and and my closed captioning says it's not CTU.

8:31 Those guys are after Big Head Guy and now he's friends with Jack! Cute. Oh, and Big Head Guy's first name is James. Audrey's telling Buchanan everything. The Hobbit breaks into their little gab session.

8:32 Jack's REALLY into helping Big Head James. Now they're on some floor that looks like it's from an Angel episode. Big Head James shoots a guy, takes his automatic weapon, and somehow evades a SHITLOAD of gun fire. And he DIVES? WTF?

8:34 We're on the roof now. Big Head James, whose wearing a nice pinstripe suit, is down with a leg wound or something. Jack shoots the guy almost on him.

8:34 Helicopters. Shooting. Jack TAKES DOWN THE CHOPPER WITH HIS HANDGUN! Goes to Big Head James whose almost dead and looking like a marionette dummy. He tells Jack about a chip in his pocket. Jack gets it and puts it in his ALL-PURPOSE cell phone.

8:36 Bad guys call Bad Dye Job about Nathanson being dead. Jack calls Audrey, she passes the ball to Chloe.

8:37 Jack uploads the file that's on the chip in his CELL PHONE to Chloe. Audrey's wearing her Stupid Ugly Glasses again.

8:38 Commercials. God, I hate this ridiculous Parker Posey-Jimmy Fallon commercial. It's pairing two actors who, at one point, we believed had SUCH a BIG CAREER ahead of them. Now? They're drinking fizzy sodas and rubbing their ass on the ground like a dog. Party Girl, what happened to you!?!

8:40 Have a movie idea that needs a guy to transform into something? Two words for ya: Tim Allen.

8:41 President Logan is staring at a SHINY PEN! Looook, SHINY! PRETTY SHINY THING! Logan wants to give the route info up to the terrorists, believing that they couldn't succeed. Yeah, just go back to the shiny pen.

8:42 Martha Logan comes in with... a new outfit. Alright. At least it's not the curtains from the last few weeks. She's clearly not happy with this "plan" of Logan's and clearly wears the pants in the family.

8:44 Martha's freakin' out. She's FREAKING OUT! This is the FREAK OUT EPISODE!

8:45 Chloe lookin' at the file. Calls Buchanan. And the chip's got to be decryted with Audrey's DOD codes. Buchanan distracts The Hobbit. Hobbit mad. Hobbit really mad. Hobbit gets the weird red shirt security guys to arrest Buchanan.

8:47 The Hobbit yells at everybody about some kind of protocol that involves their stations being monitored and mirrored. Chloe makes a stink face. Edgar's in the bathroom masturbating to her ID badge.

8:48 Yeah, actually don't know where the hell Edgar is. Maybe at the make-shift shrine to his mom that's in the back of his van. Right next to the pile of used Kleenex.

8:49 I'm still wondering who these people are who google my site name. Weird.

8:51 Slow news day. Fox News tonight covers a real estate deal that turned the American Dream bad and if Chicago is a White Sox or Cubs town.

8:52 Chloe finds info. A bunch of it all at once. Some company connected to another one that has a VP of something that Jack used to know.

8:53 The Eunech President tries to make nice with Martha before he goes to talk to the Russian guy. Novick summons him. With a shiny coin.

8:54 Oh, they're meeting with the Russian President and his wife. Didn't they JUST see each other a few hours ago? Whatever. Details. Bad Dye Job Guy calls while Eunech and Nut-Job Martha have an INCREDIBLY uncomfortable conversation.

8:55 Novick tells Bad Dye Job the route of the motorcade. Eunuch and Nut-Job go to have photos taken.

8:56 Split screen bonanza! Oh, and Bad Dye Job makes a huge red X and O on the map.

8:57 Martha is FREE-A-KING OUT! Wants to warn the Russian guys. Really wants to....tension, tension... SHE GETS IN THE CAR! Aaron the cool Secret Service guy needs to get in the front of the car. Martha tells Aaron to tell Eunuch where she is.

8:58 And we're on the road again. Just couldn't wait to get back on the road again.

Nothing after jump because I'm not going to put in the effort to write the code. Deal sucka-foo.

Next week's episode, Logan freaks. Jack gets tazered. Audrey wears the dumb glasses again.