Master Shake's Master Cleanse: Day 1

So I'm incredibly unsure about writing personal information on the internet. Yep, that's obviously a change from months past but let me just say that a site meter where you can tell who reads your blog isn't ALWAYS a good thing. Especially when the person reading the site meter gets obsessive every once in awhile. Yet here I am beginning a post about this shit. And sadly, a lot of it is talk of shit.

The Master Cleanse has nothing to do with "Aqua Teen Hunger Force"s Master Shake. Dear God, I wish it was.

Here's a journal from someone else who did this wacky plan. And here is a pleasant new-agey description of the plan.

This time there actually IS more after the jump.

I've heard about this before, mainly as a footnote in a "This American Life" piece. Never done it. Never thought of doing it. The "Coffee and Cigarrettes" diet always tempted me more. This time it was an ABC Podcast which had two journalists casually talking towards the end (goofy talk is a side-effect of World War III and incompetant world leaders on vacation). One of the guys said he had just come off the Master Cleanse and was fairly positive about it, if not a little embarrassed. And yes he said he lost weight. That was the major thing that got me. Losing weight and a strict plan.

Yep. I'm on this plan now. Today has been the first official day where I haven't made an excuse to eat sometime during the day (I'm transitioning. Yeah. That's it. That's why I need an apple fritter. Right now). Having made my way up to Whole Foods today, fresh lemons are substituting the crappy Real Lemon stuff I had been using the past few days. Whole Foods may be expensive but it's a guarantee that I can find the fruit or vegetable I need... and usually in better condition (ripe or closer to it than Jewel-Osco). Today I've consumed nothing but Lemon-Maple Syrup-ade and water. OH! And disgusting "Smooth Move" herbal tea whose NAME ITSELF makes me so sick I have to hide the box in a cupboard during the day.

The past few days I also blew off by saying I was getting rid of the caffiene prob-addiction. And to counter that positive move, I have not stopped smoking cigarrettes. I did THINK about quitting today but for GOD'S SAKE I NEED AN APPETITE SUPRESSANT WHEN I'M JUST DRINKING LEMONADE.

No food. Disgusting Senna tea (made better by more lemon- sheesh). Odd salt water Chug-A-Lug ritual in the morning.

Fun!

Not too many hunger pains. Got a strange craving mid-afternoon for cashews. Cashews. That's not something I ate besides in my Chicken Cashew lunch at school. But yeah. Cashews. The texture. Crunch. Physical aspect of eating. Miss that. Also, salivating from seeing commercials of food. Yeah, that's what normally happens but when you can't satisfy that reaction it's much more prominent.

Forgot to mention: Cayenne Pepper. It's widely known (there's a memo) that I have a bland Swedish taste in food. Spices aren't up my alley so drinking this lemonade crap with however much cayenne SUCKS. It's not that bad but for it's affect on my eyes. It feels as if my body temperature skyrockets and my eyes are the windows into the hot oven. BURNING. Hopefully temporary but it sadly would make sense with this "riding your body of toxins" this plan is all about.

I've switched from using filtered water for every glass to using sparkling spring water for some of them. When you're drinking a liquid that looks like your urine, any difference makes a world of difference. Distracts me from the pepper as well.

All right. I'll write more tomorrow. This is all very uncomfortable for me but I haven't written anything in awhile (even shitty journal scribblings). Need to spread my wings a bit. Or whatever this could be considered.

(new podcast up. press the orange podomatic button up at the top to get it)