Here we go for hour 6 of 24 Season 5!I've had a long week. Don't know about all of you but I'm ready to take out some of my aggression by seeing Jack kick some ASS! My aggression that's completely from the bitch on the phone at the SAIC registrar's office. Can I take money AWAY from people who I kinda pay when they're rude to me? Please? Or else can I shove a pair of scissors in their neck and hear it gurgle? Really? Thanks.
The live updating episode summary (and some commentary) is after the jump!
Tags: Jack Bauer, 24, television, episode summary, Kiefer Sutherland, fan site, television commentary, FOX.
Questions we're waiting to have answered:
I said I need some vicarious anger expression today. You know you do to. So LET'S HIT IT!
7:59 Just finished watching WifeSwap on ABC. I reject watching "Skating with Celebrities" on principle. They cancel Arrested Development and put THAT on?
8:00 Previously on 24: Jack kicked some ass and I loved it! And he looked damn good doing it.
8:01 Yeah. I need a date. My therapist knows this now as well as the internet. Next is a sign on my door. Then around my neck.
8:02 Hour 6: 12-1pm. Roundtable at CTU about Weasely Walt. Jack proposes meeting with Mike Novick. The Hobbit points out that Jack doesn't work there anymore. Duh. So of course he's going. Hobbit makes it clear this is not about getting revenge for Palmer. Yes Hobbit, he doesn't work for you but he has to take your orders. That's sure gonna happen.
8:03 Everybody jumps into action preparing for Jack's meeting with Novick. In the midst of figuring out protocol, Audrey decides it'd be a good time to share some feelings. And wear some God-damn UGLY ASS glasses.
8:03:30 Seriously. Those glasses are AWFUL! Besides that, they have a nice "We're working close to each other physically, therefore we must bring up the awkwardness of our social relationship since you killed my husband and then were dead for 18 months" conversation. We all can relate.
8:04 Weasely Walt. Talkin' to Big Head Guy (BHG) who's still in the Matrix. I wonder how much those HDTVs are.
8:05 Nerve gas going to the port. OOH! An episode written by David Fury! Kick ass! Yeah, it took 5 minutes into the show for the damn credits end. Novick shows the President and Weasely Walt (WW) a video of the nerve gas's affects from a terrorist video. WW flinches. Logan's response? EW! I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT THAT! YOU'RE SPOILING MY FUN OF TELLING PEOPLE TO JUST DO THEIR JOBS BY GIVING ME ALL THESE PESKY DETAILS LIKE HOW NERVE GAS KILLS PEOPLE! Novick receives a message from Jack on his palm pilot. OBVIOUSLY not a Blackberry since it worked.
8:06 Novick and Jack talk. They decide on a place to meet. He's gonna be there in 15 minutes. Yeah. Go-go gadget LA traffic avoidance transporter!
8:07 Side note: I need a palm pilot because you can display building schematics on it, kill terrorists, and receive top secret messages from someone who's apparently pre-programmed into your contacts. Why don't they just carry PSPs with them too! Then they could guide missiles and robot killing machines!
8:08 "Here's a little story. About Jack and Diane. Two American kids. Doin' the best they can. Jacky's gonna be a CTU star! Diane's the woman getting rejected by Jack in the CTU hall." Jack tells her that he's staying. What? You tell TTT an hour ago that you're gonna BOND when you get back and then you ditch his Mom?! Kiss on cheek. Sad. Jack says he's still in love with Audrey. Whatever. I JUST put together the whole "Jack and Diane" song link and now she's going away?
8:09 Ah, to be that cheek.
8:09:30 Yeah, I like political or sociological documentaries, taking in a show at Second City, and cartoons. Turn offs: Not being able to enjoy the Tea-cups at Disney World while acknowledging that Disney is bad. Thinking anyone not in a metropolitan area is an idiot or any other red-state stereotype. Confusing happiness with being content.
8:10 Weasely Walt and BHG listen to Novick and Jack's conversation. Wiretapping is just a given in this world. Oh, and the 24 world too.
8:12 So without my smarmy comments here's what happened: WW and BHG talk. Realizing that Jack is ALIVE and part of their plan uncovered by the failure of the assassin, they discuss what needs to be done when Jack gets there to confront (and then bitch slap) WW.
8:13 MAGICAL TIME TRAVEL! Oh, he's not there yet. Aaron the Secret Service (SS) Agent from Season 2 searches with other agents for Martha. Because she'd ESCAPE, but surely wouldn't think to LEAVE THE DAMN PROPERTY. Hee-hee. Martha's hiding with the horses.
8:14 She's confiding in Aaron! The same SS agent who Palmer confided in at the end of Day 2! That would work! He'd be sympathetic! She's begging. He caves (NO BALLS!) and lets the other SS Agents take her. Boo, Aaron! Boo!
8:15 Buchanan and Audrey talkin'. Press coverage, blah, don't mention the nerve gas. Or her ugly glasses. Wow, this would be a GREAT seque to a scene with the nerve gas!
8:16 Scene with nerve gas. Someone looking like Viggo Mortenson checking something about the canisters with the remote detonation switch (looking strangely like an iPod accessory. Wait. My iPod can make things explode! COOL!). Yellow Tie Guy talks to him. The cargo ship leaves port in less than an hour. Well, my guess is somewhere around two minutes into the next episode.
8:17 Diane the Sexy Landlady and Derek the Token Teenager are on their way out of CTU. Diane talks to Audrey. WOW! Someone asks a direct question! Emotion-wise. Diane asks Audrey if she still has feelings for Jack and therefore tells her that Jack still loves her. Vague quote: If you don't love him, let him go. She wants herself some Jack/Frank lovin' back at home. Also because they were starting to feel like a family with The Token Teenager (TTT). Aw... Jack can leave THAT so easily? No-makey-sense.
8:18 MAGICALLY Jack arrives at the meeting's location. Somewhere in the woods. Yeah, this is going to rile the folks who bitch about the "real time" aspect of the show. Let's just all agree that CTU and anyone who KNOWS anything about CTU drive on a secret underground superhighway that is disguised as the Los Angeles Subway. No one rides it so it's a PERFECT COVER!
8:19 Audrey calls. Why? Because it's ALWAYS a good time to talk personal stuff in a vague way during a crisis. She asks him if he's staying. And if what Diane said is true. OH! Jack never stopped loving her. Not for one second. Audrey begs him not to go. Aw...
8:20 President Logan yells at someone. Whatever. Impatient moron. SS Aaron tells him about finding Martha and then brings up her comments about David Palmer. Logan is dismissive. Even more so when WW walks in. God his neck is huge. Not in that "I've been working out" way but in the "I'm a genetic freak of nature" way. I'm glad we're not supposed to like him.
8:21 WW's in trouble! He's talkin'. Oh I see what he's doing. "Confessing" his version of the story before someone else can say what...What? Through a proxy he gave terrorists information about the nerve gas. He knew people would be killed at the airport! They were trying to limit the collateral damage!? What?
8:22 Sentox gas. Brand name of the nerve gas I guess. Okay. Whatever. The goal is to produce a smoking gun! To detonate the nerve gas before it gets to where it's going. To prove that Southeast (?) Asia has WMDs. PLANTING PROOF OF WMDs ON A COUNTRY OR TERRORIST GROUP! Wow...
8:23 WW man-handles the President! Holy SHIT! He's doing it to secure OIL for generations! Cool! Logan SUDDENLY gains 100 IQ points realizing that WW ORDERED THE HIT ON PALMER! Palmer's death was an "UNFORTUNATE BUT NECESSARY COMPLICATION!" HOLY SHIT!
8:24 "You'll let things play out how they are or..." else. His administration would be implicated, blah de blah. HOLY SHIT!
8:27 I LOVE DAVID FURY! LOVE LOVE LOVE! THIS IS A KICK ASS EPISODE! OH MY GOD! THIS IS FUCKING FANTASTIC! 24 DAY 5 KICKS ASS! That last scene... I think I wet myself. Wow.
8:28 Commercial. Still not going to watch American Idol no matter HOW many commercials you show me, FOX. Speaking of commercials, where are the All-State Palmer commercials and the Kiefer narrated MCI and Apple ones that have shown every other week? I miss Palmer. Though there are rumours of a comeback...Something about looking at his hand after he was killed.
8:28:30 Jack watches Novick arrive. It took NOVICK longer to get to the WOODS than it did Jack?! Oh yeah. Secret Subway Superhighway. The SSS.
8:29 Okay, meeting. Or a very short meeting. Helicopters! LOTS OF FUCKING CARS AND GUYS WITH GUNS! They're takin' Jack in (who's lookin' at Novick with the eye of DEATH!) and are authorized to use force by command of the President. Well, not the President but WW's office speaking for him.
8:30 Logan yells while he gets cock-blocked by Weasely Walt. SHOW SOME BALLS LOGAN! SHOW US SOME FUCKING BALLS!
8:31 WW pushes President Logan to give him the authority to dismiss CTU's involvement in this matter and to let them take care of Jack. Easily getting rid of any further investigation of this scheme. SHOW US SOME BALLS YOU ASS!
8:32 Aaron the SS agent sees Jack. And then he acts! As in acting! His face moves! Asks a fellow SS agent why Jack is under arrest, why he wasn't told, who's order was it, etc. Me likey Aaron. Another person who gets to the point.
8:33 The Hobbit tells Buchanan and Audrey that District has told them to call it off. Buchanan SHOWS SOME BALLS and says that something's wrong. Jack's phone is going to voice mail (wonder what THAT sounds like!) and Novick is indisposed. The Hobbit takes him out to the hallway to have a lil' administrating lesson. The Hobbit caves. GO BUCHANAN!
8:34 Evelyn the aide wants to pack some pretty dresses for Martha when she goes to the Psych Ward in Vermont. Yeah, Evelyn. They don't let you have shampoo in those places. Fancy dresses? Don't think so. Martha plays out the "How did my marriage turn into this?" moment. Take it easy Mary Todd. Palmer and Sherri's relationship was definitely more tumultuous. Wonder how THOSE chapters of Palmer's memoirs would read!
8:35 Aaron's moving Jack to a detention facility. Well, obviously since they have him LOCKED IN THE FUCKING STABLES! Jack realizes that Aaron worked for Palmer and then hits his soft spot...Information about Palmer's killing. Jack tells him the plot up to this point. In an unusually scratchy voice. Think Kiefer had a lil' too much fun the night before.
8:36 Ooh! Jack's speaking French! A cout de tat. Or something like that. He needs Aaron's help. WW is circumventing the President's authority. Or someone is. Whatever, just get Jack out of that damn stable. Though it is nice to see him next to whips and leather straps and..
8:37 Yep. A date. I've got a 42 DD cup size. Red hair. Junk in the trunk. Turn ons: Watching 24, being smarter than me in some areas, not being as smart as me in other areas, sense of humor about serious things, taking other lighter things seriously, and being a man (as in not acting like a girl...you know what I'm talking about).
8:40 I'm 3/4 of the way to eating dinner. I started around 7:45. I'm never going to get to sleep.
8:41 Aaron tells some schmuck that Jack's escaped. Hee-hee.
8:42 FUCKIN' AWESOME!!! Aaron... FUCKIN AWESOME! WOW! A KNIFE TO HIS FUCKING EYE! OH MY GOD! JESUS CHRIST! HE'S KICKING HIS ASS!
8:43 WEASELY WALT SPILLS THE LOCATION OF THE BOAT! HOLY SHIT THIS IS AWESOME! Yeah, not much for a synopsis right now but....HOLY SHIT!
8:44 Jack calls CTU about the nerve gas location and Logan grows some balls. Only because Jack almost killed Weasely Walt! Jack and Aaron are prepared to be handed over to the authorities for bursting into the office and kickin' Walt's ass and gladly hand over their weapons, badges, etc. Logan keeps his balls (for the moment) and tells Aaron to get Weasely Walt OUTTA HERE!
8:45 Logan begs Jack to believe that he JUST found out about WW's plan. Now they gotta talk about Jack. That he's alive. They AGREE (?!?!?) that after the nerve gas is found, etc. that HE'LL JUST DISAPPEAR AGAIN!?!? THAT'S WHAT'S BEST FOR THE GOOD OF THE COUNTRY! WTF! Were you not THERE when Jack saved your stupid pussy-ASS!
8:46 Jack WALKS AWAY (in a great quiet and still moment amidst this fast-paced episode) from Logan who has just showed why he STILL SUCKS. Remember a lil' thing last season about Weasely Walt convincing you that killing Bauer was a good idea? REMEMBER JACK-ASS? This is JACK FUCKING BAUER!
8:48 Still haven't eaten. And it's not like I'm makin' a three-course meal. Simply some sauteed sweet onions (that were cooked during WifeSwap) and a lil' strip steak. That's it. And it's taken me nearly an hour and a half.
8:49 HOUSE IS BACK! Oh. not yet. In February. Great. One good line in the promo, House saying "I know you're in there. I can hear you caring." Love that show.
8:50 Split screen: Chloe's face is funny. Martha Logan is STILL ON HER WAY TO THE LOONEY BIN! Oh for fuck's sake!
8:51 FINALLY! Logan comes and says that he believes her. Tells her everything. His eyes are wet. She's taller than him. Hmm. Napolean complex? Some woman comes up and tells Logan he needs to go. Martha moves from "I'm crazy and sad" to "You let someone TELL YOU I was crazy and BELIEVED THEM? and mad."
8:52 COCK-BLOCKED AGAIN YOU LITTLE WEASEL! He goes in for a kiss and gets the CHEEK. Oh yeah. What a tool. More of a tool to Jean Smart than Meshach Taylor was in Designing Women.
8:53 Woo hoo! Some Fury-scripted Chloe dialogue. Okay, well that was routine and a let down. Everyone's prepping for the strike team to go in on the cargo container. No on can get there (not even Curtis who hasn't been doing ANYTHING the past few episodes). For some reason though, they all can watch the raid on tv. The power of the palm pilot again? Nope, just Unit B shooting.
8:54 This turns out to be pretty cool. Goin' into the container. Opening door, putting on masks. THE CONTAINERS AREN'T THERE! Viggo Mortenson is DEAD (!) and bleeding on hay.
8:55 Yeah yeah yeah. All the canisters are empty. Oh! Jack's bringing WW back for another round! Damn...no hitting this time. Besides, he "doesn't know" anything this time around. Remembering Season 2 leads me to believe David Fury watched those episodes religiously during his seque from "LOST" to "24."
8:56 WW's phone rings. Dead Viggo's cell is calling. WW answers. It's the terrorist guy. He knows everything they did and obviously outsmarted them, killing Walt's "man on the inside." NOW they're "going to make this country pay" the price. Thought it'd be a nice change having the terror threat happen elsewhere. Oh well. I'll settle for more ass-kicking.
8:57 Beep-BOOP. Beep-BOOP.
8:58 Coming up in the 9 o'clock news: Something in a plastic bag will shock you. Really. That's what the commercial ended on. At least it'll only shock me and not kill me like things on the news usually do.
8:59 Wow, the promo for next week looks pretty good! I DON'T hate the marketing department this week. At the end of the promo, Jack and a team are in an apartment looking for someone. That someone hides crouched behind the bed, creeping up when Jack commands. And then CUT before we can see anything besides the part on some brunette's head. Kinda looked like a woman. First instinct: Naked Mandy. But considering how much she went through to escape the apartment complex with Tony last season, I don't see her as the type to hide behind the bed.
This episode? FUCKING AWESOME. I forgive the travel discrepancy and need to check my heart rate because this hour got me SUPER CHARGED! Feel like going back to my Season 2 DVDs and taking a second (alright, at least third) look at that great day.
Till next week or until I get my 24-podcast together (DAMN YOU AUDACITY AND GARAGE BAND!).
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